Decision Time.

Alright, so I'm bad at making decisions. I'm into my second year of grad school and pretty much figure that when I get done, I will have another degree I'm not sure what I want to do with. It takes me over an hour to grocery shop, every time...even when I have an explicit list organized by department. And I can't book a flight without calling my mom first. But I digress...

I've decided I want to go paleo, full-time. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I'm in love with the idea. I can even do it for a couple weeks at a time, but I can't seem to just throw out the non-paleo food and go for it. I just feel like cleaning out the pantry and throwing stuff out is so...wasteful! I could donate it and all, and I probably will do that with some things, but I just can't see throwing out a shitton (yes, it's a word...ask my WI friends) of food that I bought with my hard-earned (and scarce!) money. I just can't.

Soooooooooo... I'm deciding now that I am going to bite the bullet for like the next two weeks (max) and eat that food, then donate what is left. I know I'll feel less-than-ideal, but I bought it with the intention of eating healthy, and I lost over 75 lbs eating it, so clearly it's not toooooo terrible...there are just better (paleo) things I'd rather eat now. So that's that. I'll be working out with some two-a-days to try and "offset" the effects of the "crap food," and then I'm going to do a Whole30 starting August 1 (coincidentally the day I get back from a vacation, 1st of the month, a Monday, and first day of my 3rd summer class, a "week-long intensive, M-F 9:30-5:30") and eat "rough paleo" for the forseeable future. (More about what I consider "rough paleo" to come...basically it includes rare dairy (just cheese) and whole grain, so I don't feel deprived and can stick with it long-term.

So that's the decision and the plan... Hoping to stand by it (and book a flight tomorrow, when Mom calls me back, lol)!

Activity, 7/11:
1) Walking from Ballston to VA Square for errands, then around Clarendon, Court House
2) Insanity Cardio Recovery (With my legs still sore, I'm not sure why I chose this today...thanks, Keith.)

It's hard to write about yourself...

I'm finding it hard to write about myself. I don't like getting the credit for things--I like to keep the focus on what's important. (This brings me to the subject of the recent PR stint by my lovely alma mater...which makes me sick. That was FTK ("for the kids," in IC speak), NOT a good deed meant to make the university look good...but I digress.)

I'm supposed to be writing my personal statement for school, but it's hard. The things I do that are going to be good for grad school are not things I do for that reason. Even more, they're not things I want to use to get myself ahead. I just do them because I love them and want to help in any way I know how. For that reason, this is proving incredibly difficult.

I’m a peacemaker. I’ve got the awards to prove it. But it’s more about walking the walk than the plaques.

About seven years ago, I sat in a high school classroom on my first day of “civics” class wondering what this subject was, completely oblivious to the fact that it would become not only an interest but a passion and career choice. I grew to love studying government, but even more than that, I grew to love participating in it all.

Since that time, I have gotten involved in multiple social justice campaigns and even lobbied my representatives on Capitol Hill. I didn't always want to get involved, though. I always thought I’d be a teacher. What I didn’t realize was that being a “teacher” can mean many different things. When I decided to pursue graduate school, I was student teaching at a high school outside of Milwaukee, Wisconsin and working to start an Invisible Children club at what would soon be my alma mater. I may have been graduating and taking a major step toward a career, but there was something about inspiring other young people to become activists that pulled me away from said career.

And that brings me to where I am now. That's all I have right now. How do I explain how the people I've met and the things I've done through IC have changed my life? That seeing what young people have done through this organization makes me want to be better? That seeing what a difference can be made makes me want to inspire others to do the same? I don't know how to express that to a committee of graduate school professors and admissions representatives who may or may not have gotten politically involved themselves.

A few months ago, a very close friend of mine started talking about starting a non-profit organization together, though its niche is still unknown. As I think more and more about that, I realize how much I would love to make it a reality. I would love to start an organization that helps the youth of the world get involved, as IC has done for me. Do we need a specific issue? I'm not sure. Can it just be about activism and taking an active role in whatever cause you believe in? But isn't that being overdone right now? I don't know the answer to any of these questions...but what I do know is that I want to do it.

I want to initiate change.
I want to influence the youth of a nation.
I want to make the world a better place.
I want to better myself.

I'm not sure how to do any of it, but I'm sure going to try.

JoLeah.

So today I was uploading the last few of my pictures from DC, including the ones from THE lobby day, and I got to thinking about a young woman named JoLeah.

Now, I'm not sure what you should all know about JoLeah to understand this story, but she's essentially the same age as me, is from Texas and went to Texas A&M. She graduated, I believe, the same semester I did and was working for Invisible Children as a Regional Assistant for How It Ends. In actuality, this job meant she set up the summer and fall Roadie tours and helped to plan our lobbying initiative called How It Ends. Anyway...


So here I am, in the middle of one of the most memorable days of my life. I just got out of a meeting with Senator Feingold's office, and I'm going down to the cafeteria on the ground level (not the basement or the lobby level...the one in-between) of the Hart Senate Office Building. This is seriously EPIC...and I do not just throw that word around. I grab some fries and a veggie burger, and I end up offering a seat at my table to a kind-looking young woman who I know is with Invisible Children. I catch her nametag--"JoLeah Stiles." I recognize that name as one of those famous IC names, but we haven't met.

Then we get to talking, and this girl is simply amazing...inspiring, really. At some point, I get her to tell me about herself and how she got into working with IC and what she's been doing and the whole deal. Immediately, I'm just a bit jealous. I so wish I had the opportunity to do all this with my life.

Then she asks me what I'm studying and such, how I found myself in DC, etc. After talking for, oh, probably 15 minutes, she knows all about my love for DC, desire to work for a nonprofit, love for IC, and want to make a difference in the world...and I feel like I have known this girl FOREVER. All the things I can't tell my family or friends out of fear of them disliking my ideas, I have told her.

Then comes the amazing part. JoLeah is telling me to apply for the Roadie internship. She wants me to become a bigger part of IC. She wants me to move to DC. She wants me to follow my dreams. Basically all the things I know will probably cause some rockiness at home...those are the things she wants me to do. JUMP FIRST, FEAR LATER is, after all, the IC motto.

After 15 minutes, I felt like I had known JoLeah forever. She inspired me. She wanted me to make myself better. We had never met before, but I felt like this girl changed the direction of my life. All the things I WANTED to do...well, somehow now I felt like I had permission to do them.


So now I'm doing a whole lot of planning back at home. Studying for and scheduling the GRE, planning on making my third trip out to DC within a 9-month period, looking at graduate schools...all of the things I need to do to make a big move.

And I can't say it's all because of JoLeah, but she certainly had a part in it. When I was leaving my hostel the morning we started lobbying, a very good friend of mine sent me a text message saying, "Listen to what Someone is telling you today." I very firmly believe that Someone (and that's Someone in particular) was talking to me through JoLeah that day.

To JoLeah: We've only talked a couple times since, but I feel like we've known each other a lifetime. Keep fighting the good fight. Would love to meet up again someday...until then, stay amazing.

August 4 - A Renewed Commitment

Alrighty, so... I've been back from DC for 40 days.

I miss it. And yes, I counted the days.

I'm still trying to think about all the things I learned, all the things I experienced, and all of the people I met in DC. And all of the people I missed back home. I still get a nervous feeling in my stomach when I think about how I missed the people here while I was there for that week.

But then there's the pull factor...and it's pulling harder than ever. Two of my best friends are following their dreams to California this week. (Yes, Shawn Schmalken...I said two of my BEST friends.) I can honestly say I never thought that Nina and I would become such good friends when we started student teaching together, but I love that girl, and I miss her terribly even though she's only been gone four days. And then there's Shawn, and, well, he's just amazing. I'm so tired of having to hear from people that they're not incredible when I tell them they are, so let's just go with it this time, okay?! IC saw something special in that young man, and I see it, too. Go for it...between now and December learn everything you can about nonprofits and cherish every moment...you have no idea how much others are jealous of the opportunity you have. Just do it. When you get back, we have a nonprofit of our own to develop.

So I have to visit SoCal soon.

But back to DC... Now don't get me wrong. There are a million people here I love more than they know, and I get anxious just thinking about having to leave them. But there are fewer and fewer people here as time goes on. When it comes down to it, I'm tired of watching everyone else go for their dreams while I continue to run in place. A song by Shinedown ("Second Chance") has spoken to me lately...I've tried to tell my parents and everyone here why this is so important to me, and now I have to take my chance. So despite everything and everyone that I love here, I have to go because there's no way around it...the path for me to get what I want is not here in Milwaukee.

All that said, I'm working on my commitments with MMUN and getting their delegate guides ready and staffing the conference in February, and I'm studying for the GRE starting this week. As soon as the GRE is done next month, I'm turning to visiting grad schools and filling out applications.

I will not let my options crash down around me, and I will not let life pass me by.

Yes, I am going to keep up with this blog... Why? Because it's kinda grown on me. It saw me through more incredible times in DC than I can count, and I'm heading back. I can feel it.


Final thoughts:
--My fortune cookie tonight read as follows: "Smile often and see what happens." I can't tell you how quickly I smiled and thought of Trent and Nina...love you both. Remember, smiling is the only disease to spread.
--Shawn, I believe in you. Do not EVER forget that. And I'll see you soon. Remember what I said when you offered to help me with the wedding invites? I meant it. <3
--Nina, I miss ya already. If you need absolutely anything, I'll always just be a call away. I know how the teaching gig goes, and I'll be out to visit and fill what little spare time you have as soon as I can. Love ya, girl.